Regret

Spiderman movie-verse

by Rentgirl 2

June 2007

In the moments between sleep and consciousness, Peter could pretend it had all been a nightmare.

As he lay in his bed, he could sense the familiar weight beside him. He
could hear the soft, even draws of inhalations and feel the sweet warmth of
expirations paint sleepy patterns on his shoulder. In that blissful split
second, Peter would swear the entire ordeal had merely been a dream.

Then the alarm clock would jar him awake and the truth would again pierce his
heart-–Harry was dead and he was to blame.

In the light of day, with a crush of people milling about him, it was easy
enough to pretend he was happy. He had MJ. He had the job he’d always
wanted at the paper; he was doing well at the university. He was Spiderman,
for God’s sake, loved and admired by the multitudes.

Yeah, he had it all and none of it meant a damn thing without Harry.

Some days he hated Aunt May and Mary Jane for being so oblivious to his
pain. Some days he hated Harry for dying and leaving him all alone. Most
days, though, he hated himself for all the times he’d let Harry down.

In his youthful arrogance, Peter had never imagined that there would be a
time, that there could be a time, when Harry wasn’t in his life. Harry. His best friend, his mistaken enemy, his one true love. Harry had been so loyal, so giving, so full of pain and love and confusion. Why hadn't he given Harry just a little of what he'd needed when it could have made a
difference?

He’d known it had hurt Harry to watch him with Mary Jane, but Peter hadn’t
possessed the courage to let the world see him as gay. In his cowardice
and shame, he’d hidden away the most precious thing in his life, allowing
Harry only bits and scraps of his time. Peter had been as careless with
Harry’s love as he’d been with Harry’s life.

In the end, it had cost them both everything.